Giant gargoyles and make-up sex

Chris and I have been planning a cross country trip. We are driving from our house here in Los Angeles ALL THE WAY TO GEORGIA, where we will meet up with my family and celebrate our hill-bille heritage and shoot potatoes at boaters across the lake… as we do each year. Last year Megan crashed the Jet ski into the dock and I flew an airplane and rafted down the Tennessee river with a cooler of beer. Good times.

Amanda and her boyfriend will join us on the way home…there is so much wrong with this scenario--(like are all four of us going to share a hotel room or do they get their own?) I don’t even know where to start, so I won’t.

Did I mention that we are bringing the dog? Yea, we are, because the rest of my lunatic family is bringing their dogs and we are having some weird dock-dog-jumping competition or something like that.

I bought my dog a red bandanna that says ‘bad to the bone’ on it, so I’m pretty sure she’ll win.

I have a matching bandanna that I intend to wear for the entire road trip, especially when we stop in small hick towns and line dance with the locals. Amanda will be mortified.

Did I mention that we are leaving in TEN DAYS!??!

I’m stressed.

The planning is killing me.

So yesterday, Chris and I had this fight about money. It wasn’t really a fight, it was more of an argument, but it warranted make-up sex. We hardly ever fight, so we took advantage of the small argument and spent some horizontal time together.

(I have to go to the gynecologist tomorrow, but that’s a totally different story.)

ANYWAYS….

So I had this dream last night…

Chris went out to the store to buy a few things for our trip, and he returned with a giant cement gargoyle. A big one, a really big one, and it was scary looking, it had pointy teeth and beady, creepy eyes…

Seriously, it was creepy, I’m fine with gargoyles, but this one was really really spooky.

Back to my dream. So I asked how much money the gargoyle cost and Chris was all oh…only $600 while he sat on the couch and rubbed his willie through his old Levis.

I love it when he wears those old Levis…

$600! I screamed and punched him with everything I had, and then I went off. How the fuck can you spend $600 on a creepy gargoyle when we can barely pay our bills? And I punched him again and I think I kicked him in the penis.

He just sat there in his Levis, still rubbing his willie and told me I was over-reacting.

I love those Levis on him.

Over-reacting? I wasn’t over-reacting; it was $600 on a GARGOYLE!! WITH FANGS!!

Then I jumped him on the couch and freed his willie from the Levis.

Apparently some of these things really happened… this morning Chris said I was punching and kicking him all night and screaming like a lunatic.

I asked Chris if owed a pair of old Levis, he looked at me weird and shook his head.

Hmm, I think I need to get to the Levi store… immediately.