As the New Year approaches I’m sure we all have our personal New Year’s Resolutions. You know, the Resolutions that you set up every year and they last maybe a month or two. I’m tired of those. I’m tired of setting up goals that I know are inconceivable- it’s a waste of time. I still pick my nose and I’ve tried every year to become a non-nose picker... I could go on and on about the ridiculous resolutions I have made in the past.
This year it’s different, this year the face of mortality has slapped me in the face, and it slapped me hard. The sudden passing of my grandma in May hurt, it shocked all of us and it has changed the family dynamics. Things are different, not bad, but different. I don’t like this kind of different and I miss my grandma, a lot! I wish I could just talk to her one more time. One more phone call, one more trip to McDonalds to get her the dollar menu burger, one more hug, ONE MORE ANYTHING! Fortunately I do have my other grandma to care for and to love, and for that I am thankful. She’s almost 98 and everyday mortality hits me square in the jaw. I’m aware that I could walk out there any day and find her dead, that thought scares me. Sometimes I cuddle up with her and check her breathing in the middle of the night, just like a new mother does with her infant.
Mortality has hit me in another way in regards to my children. When I look at their faces and smell the sweetness of them, I just want to linger there in that moment and not worry. I want to gather all of them and climb under my bed with them where we are safe from the world. I want to look into the innocence of their eyes and just STOP TIME. I just want to inhale them, all of them …and keep them safe. I know I can’t do that and I know I need to let them go so that they can learn, so that they can grow. I need to let my nine year old walk a block and a half to school by herself; without worrying. I need to let Amanda drive more than 20 miles away without having a heart attack and checking the news stations for accident reports. I need to trust that Cody can handle being out past 10pm and I need to let Megan make her own decisions. There is a lot I need to do, there is a lot I need to work on…
Mortality scares me this year… it has never scared me before. I find that odd. This year my dad turns 70; that frightens me. In February I turn 38… I don’t want to be 38. This year, for 2009, I’m not doing a resolution. I’m making a life change. That’s what I am calling it… A LIFE CHANGE. I’m changing a few things for good, not just for a month or two and not just for the year. I’m changing things for life because I want to be as healthy as I can be and spend as much time here on earth staring into the eyes of my children.
Getting healthy for me means:
Eating before I fall apart
Eating more than just edamame and string cheese
Get more sleep
Drink more water and less wine
Keep my targeted heart rate up for over an hour during exercise
Get my resting heart rate into the 40’s
And…most importantly, GET MEDICAL INSURANCE!
What about you? Are you going to make a Life Change?
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
Stumble It!
41 comments:
I am going to stop being crabby when I get home from work.
I'm no good with resolutions or life changes. This isn't a good time for me to try to do anything more than get through 2009 without losing my mind in the mess I call life. Maybe the second half of 2009 will bring positive life changes....until then we just struggle to get through each day...
You really should try the nose picking thing again....I'm just saying
Great post! I posted my resolution on my blog...but I am going to try and spend more quality time with my family and get my butt back into shape!
I am in complete agreement with you on making life changes. I make life changes daily, but mine are like a light snow: they stick for a day then melt away. But I know what you mean about life changes. I have been slowly, gradually making some changes in my life for the past 13 years or so and they have all been for the best. One change at a time. At least people like you and me are trying. I may not always succeed in my changes, but at least I'm trying.
So if you will continue to pick your nose, does that mean I can still be a shower nose blower?
In 2009 I would like to really and truly forgive myself for stuff I did in the past. I'm tired of it eating me up.
Awesome post. I have two life change goals. One I've started on already (with Kelly) and the other might not happen for a few years, but I want to move someplace warm and by the water. Someplace where I can be happy. I'm working on it for once I graduate so Spring Break is my trial run to what might be geographic change for me.
Last year was the first time in 25 years I didn't make the New Years Resolution to lose weight. I just didn't see the point. And you know what? I lost 15lbs! So this year I'm making the same non resolution.
I've got a post on this going up tomorrow. Yes, I'm making a life change. And I'm looking forward to it. I would never have pegged you for a nose picker. Hmm.
So tomorrow, while everyone else is out partying on New Years Eve I'll be holding an ice pack on my boob. I get to end 2008 with a breast biopsy. Doesn't that sound like fun? Speaking of mortality .....
Two of my life changes are going to be ...gettig divorced...and getting married. maybe we could schedule them back to back... One big party!!!!!
I want to be healthier, not just for me but for my family.
I love the part about stopping time regarding the kids. I can 'see' their little eyes peering out from behind the covers right now.
...Hmmm, life changes instead of resolutions? Nice way to think of it.
K I just caught up on all 8 of your posts I missed...but I feel ya on this one!
It's hard to think about our loved ones leaving us...or vica versa...stinks!
I vow to spend MORE time with my kids...
Hows that? LoL!
Best of luck to you on improving your life. I had a similar experience this past year, where a friend (who was 42 and father of 3) dropped of a heart attack. I thought of all the times he will miss with his kids and it touched me deeply.
I was actually laying in bed Christmas eve thinking some of the same thoughts you had, about wanting to stop time and enjoy my kids and love them for who they are while I can. I actually brought myself to tears thinking about it (yes, I am a big wuss, what can I say).
For me, my life change is more around enjoying my kids more and not sweating the small stuff. So what if they make a mess, or get too loud. Let 'em laugh and have a great time. Life is too short to have it any other way.
Sorry for the mini-blog here, but thanks for starting the conversation. Just remind me never to shake your hand...
My top resolution would have to be, to obtain a stalker of my very own.
I just wanted to let you know that I left you an award on my blog. Go check it out when you get a chance. :)
I want to learn more programs. I am going to learn Adobe After Effects. I know, I'm a geek:P
I'm loving all these resolutions. All good goals.
Man, I'm a nose picker too and I've never even considered trying to stop. lol Sheesh.
I need to work on some resolutions that are real and doable. Because changes need to be made in my life. BIG time. I'm not happy with a lot of things...and life's too short to remain so unhappy.
As usual, I'm going to try to get healthy and lose some weight.
We'll see.
Life changes are good, we'll keep you honest on those life changes. Hey, what's wrong with edamame?
My life change started in Nov 2008 when I had gastric bypass surgery. I have lost 115 pounds and have 8 more to go to reach goal. I plan on having a tummy tuck and increasing my exercise, protein, and water intake. I am sure there are other areas of my life that need improving, but right now this is about all I can handle.
My Grandma has been gone 15 years now, I miss her no less today then what I did back then. She was my rock!!!!! I'm also going to set goals that I can stick too....eating better is one and coupon clipping is another!!!
DHW-Coupon clipping is a good one!
Oh fine, I come over to wish you a Happy New Year and you made me cry. I think mortality must hit when you get to be around 40? When my dad died it smacked me hard. Made me grow up. I have been pouting since last April. I think for 2009 I will try to stop pouting and grow up (full time). Whaaa I don't want to grow up. lol.
Frankly, I really like the idea of making life changes instead of making resolutions, which are almost always broken in no time.
Do remind me that I never want you mixing my drinks with your fingers, lol.
Perhaps I will try to cut down on drinking, but I doubt it. I think I should just begin exercising more, for a start. However, nothing for me is ever written in stone. I do need to eat better, as in 3 times a day instead of one. I've been bad for so long that it just seems hopeless to try & clean up my act at age 56.
But, here's hoping you can succeed where I have failed!
Give your dear granny a big New Year's Hug for me...
Happy New Year, Mariah. May you be richly blessed!!
Life changes are good. Even when they are devastating (another story).
I want to keep myself in the gym like I used to be before school started a couple of years ago. It really feels good.
I wish you and the gang a really wonderful and HAPPY new year!!!
Life changes. Me likey. I'll have to come up with a list. I have a little over 7 hours.
I still have to add on there to lose weight. But this year (unlike the previous 10) I will actually do it ;-).
Oh and I'll make the blogger paparazzi at the wedding and stream vlogs to everyone so they can all 'attend'
Okay, loving you and your blog. Something about another mom having issues just like me....you know it just bonds us! ha ha!
After my recent anxiety attack, I am all about life changes. I love how you put that. Not just something to change for the year, but for life.
I'm all about it!
Hugs...Summer
Wow, sounds like you truly are determined to change things around a bit. Good for you! My husband has recently done just that. Lost 35 pounds, working out with a trainer, etc., and he feels soooooooo much better. Wish I had that motivation.
Btw... do you realize you sniff at your kids an awful lot? LOL
Justine :o )
Hi Mariah,
I just arrived here via Twitter and to be honest, with so much to do and so little time I nearly left after a quick glance. However, I began reading your post and about how you so want to wrap your kids up and keep them from harm..I empathised completely. I am a married guy with 2 teenagers. 18yr old boy, 19yr old girl, and I had to learn that the most we can do is teach them how to be safe, make sure they know they are always loved, and let go so they can grow to become who and what they need to. Remembering back, I'm grateful my parents did the same for me.
Have an awesome year Mariah.
Phil
Totally unrelated but,in case you missed the tweet, I have nominated you for a Lemonade Blog award.
Just trying to keep healthy and happy. Happy New Year Mariah and all your blog readers.
Mariah, I wish you luck on your life change and I wish you never walk in on Gram and find her gone.
I wish you the best in 2009
OK "eating more" is never going to be on my resolutions list.
More water, yes...less wine? I'm pretty sure the Bible has a lot of wine references so that's my excuse.
I marvel all the time at your "Grandma stories" - don't know how you do it. Hang in there, girl!
I'm too tired to change. Maybe later!
Hi Dear ~ I am missing my Grandma so I thought I'd come on over and check up on you. Sounds as if we are on the same wave length lately. I am trying to spend more quality time with my kids but I am SO NOT giving up the wine. Actually my doc told me to have a glass a day to help my cholesterol otherwise I'd have to take more drugs ~ wine is WAY better tasting in my book. Did I mention I love my doc? Any who ~ here's to wishing you a better 2009 ***sip***!
Sounds like you and I have a lot in common. So many things you mentioned sounds just like the voice in my head. I've been trying to figure out what I want to do for 2009 and mostly it's just get healthy. I lost my grandmother 4 years ago and sometimes I still find myself reaching for the phone. Life is good...we all just need to learn how to enjoy it more. Good luck and Happy New year!
Wow, that is quite a list. A resting heartrate of 40? Now that's a goal. Good luck with all of those and I think you should not let Cody stay out after 10 PM. What good would come of that? I hate to even let my son out of his room!
I've been thinking too much about mortality lately, too. It's scary.
My resolution is to eat a green vegetable every day, and pickles no longer count.
Nice. I spent a great deal of time in my late teens early twenties helping my grandmother take care of her mother so she could get a break now and then. One of my favorite memories is taking my great-grandma to McDonald's for a hamburger.
I had to ask the guy for a burger Medium-rare(soemthing we all know they don;t do) in earshot of Great grandma or she wouldn't eat it.
It was always a good time trying to wink wink nudge nudge to let the guy taking our order know I was saying it for her benefit.
Thanks for reminding me of this and good luck with the life changes.
Formerlyfun
Post a Comment